My Story
Just a disclaimer before anyone begins reading. I have always wanted to share my story with the world in hopes that I can help and connect with people that are/were in the same situation as me. I am not going to write about everything in full detail because the last thing I want is for anyone to adopt the behaviors I did. In no way am I fishing for pity or sorrow. All I wish is to put myself out there.
When I was around nine years old someone made a negative comment about my body at school. With my introverted personality came a lot of sensitivity towards every little comment. I took everything to heart, which is something I’m still working on today. Even though I was young, I still understood dieting and weight loss ideals that became dangerous to me. After that comment was made I started to show signs of a restrictive eating pattern that stunted my growth and development for two years. That summer we took a family trip to Disney that I ruined with this behavior. My parents couldn’t have fun cause they were trying to get me to eat constantly. Eventually I started to see a nutritionist and grew out of this “phase” over time.
Intrusive thoughts about my weight and body still lived in my head throughout all the years since.
In 2016 it got out of control again. I went down with this spiraling obsession with health and fitness, which is one of the leading causes for this kind of behavior. Once again, I saw a nutritionist and eventually “got over it”.
The following year was the worst by far. I developed the obsession again, but this time to a much more extreme level. My body began to fail around me and I was strong enough to do anything about it. At this point all my parents could do for me was to seek help from a recovery program. At the end of January 2018, I was admitted to an Outpatient program I went to after school. It was just a bandaid for a while until a bed became available for me in a residential hospitalization program. I lived there for over a month. It was and forever will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
After I got discharged from residential, I moved on to a partial hospitalization program. I lived at home and went to the facility from 8am to 4pm. I went there everyday, except weekends, for about a month as well. And after that came Intensive Outpatient from 4pm to around 8pm, every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday for another month or so. Then I was free.
I met so many people that I am still in contact with today. It’s comforting to know that there are others out there who know almost exactly what you went through. Each disorder is unique, but in the end we ate together, did therapy groups together, and had fun together when we could. Encouraging oand building each other up, every step of the way. None of us were ever physically alone. When you’re in that situation, that can be so incredibly comforting.
I am happy to say that it has been about a year later and I am flourishing. I find it so therapeutic to share things I learned and know that I am not where I was a year ago. That girl was so weak and isolated. I never want to be that again. Ever.
This is my first time ever sharing my story. I plan to share more aspects of my recovery journey on this platform. I hope it can help someone or shed light on eating disorders. I hope everyone learned something. I am an open book so if anyone has any specific questions or wants to know more, I’m here just trying to use my voice. Thank you for everyone who took the time to read this. It means more to me than you know.
All the love,
Lauren
When I was around nine years old someone made a negative comment about my body at school. With my introverted personality came a lot of sensitivity towards every little comment. I took everything to heart, which is something I’m still working on today. Even though I was young, I still understood dieting and weight loss ideals that became dangerous to me. After that comment was made I started to show signs of a restrictive eating pattern that stunted my growth and development for two years. That summer we took a family trip to Disney that I ruined with this behavior. My parents couldn’t have fun cause they were trying to get me to eat constantly. Eventually I started to see a nutritionist and grew out of this “phase” over time.
Intrusive thoughts about my weight and body still lived in my head throughout all the years since.
In 2016 it got out of control again. I went down with this spiraling obsession with health and fitness, which is one of the leading causes for this kind of behavior. Once again, I saw a nutritionist and eventually “got over it”.
The following year was the worst by far. I developed the obsession again, but this time to a much more extreme level. My body began to fail around me and I was strong enough to do anything about it. At this point all my parents could do for me was to seek help from a recovery program. At the end of January 2018, I was admitted to an Outpatient program I went to after school. It was just a bandaid for a while until a bed became available for me in a residential hospitalization program. I lived there for over a month. It was and forever will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
After I got discharged from residential, I moved on to a partial hospitalization program. I lived at home and went to the facility from 8am to 4pm. I went there everyday, except weekends, for about a month as well. And after that came Intensive Outpatient from 4pm to around 8pm, every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday for another month or so. Then I was free.
I met so many people that I am still in contact with today. It’s comforting to know that there are others out there who know almost exactly what you went through. Each disorder is unique, but in the end we ate together, did therapy groups together, and had fun together when we could. Encouraging oand building each other up, every step of the way. None of us were ever physically alone. When you’re in that situation, that can be so incredibly comforting.
I am happy to say that it has been about a year later and I am flourishing. I find it so therapeutic to share things I learned and know that I am not where I was a year ago. That girl was so weak and isolated. I never want to be that again. Ever.
This is my first time ever sharing my story. I plan to share more aspects of my recovery journey on this platform. I hope it can help someone or shed light on eating disorders. I hope everyone learned something. I am an open book so if anyone has any specific questions or wants to know more, I’m here just trying to use my voice. Thank you for everyone who took the time to read this. It means more to me than you know.
All the love,
Lauren
Comments
Post a Comment